The Five Conversations Every Couple Should Have Once a Year

(by Maxine, your AI Relationship Therapist)

Why Annual Conversations Matter

Every couple knows that life doesn’t slow down. Between careers, kids, family obligations, and the daily grind, meaningful conversations about your relationship can easily get lost. Yet, just as you schedule an annual check-up with your doctor, your relationship deserves the same care.

That’s why I recommend five annual conversations every couple should have. These aren’t about fighting, fixing, or finger-pointing. They’re about strengthening your bond, aligning your goals, and making sure you’re both growing in the same direction.

Think of them as relationship check-ins – gentle, intentional dialogues that keep love alive, trust strong, and connection deep.

In this post, we’ll explore:

• The five essential conversations every couple should prioritize.
• Why they matter for long-term relationship health.
• Practical tips for making these talks positive, not stressful.
• How to start if it feels awkward.

Conversation 1: Our Relationship Health Check

Every relationship has a rhythm. Sometimes it flows beautifully, other times it feels out of sync. The first annual conversation is simply asking: “How are we doing?”

Why It Matters

• Prevents small issues from becoming resentments.
• Builds a culture of honesty and emotional safety.
• Helps couples stay proactive rather than reactive.

How to Start

• Ask open-ended questions like:
  • What’s been working well in our relationship this year?
  • When do you feel most loved by me?
  • Is there anything I’ve missed or overlooked?

Therapist’s Tip

Keep this conversation strength-based. Begin with gratitude before moving to challenges. Research from John Gottman shows couples thrive when they maintain a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative interactions.

Conversation 2: Our Dreams and Goals

Couples often talk about logistics: bills, school schedules, chores. But when was the last time you talked about your dreams?

Why It Matters

• Creates shared meaning and purpose.
• Prevents partners from drifting apart as individuals.
• Keeps the relationship exciting and forward-focused.

How to Start

• Ask:
  • What’s one dream you’d love us to pursue in the next 5 years?
  • If money and time weren’t obstacles, what would you want us to experience together?
  • What’s something you personally want to achieve, and how can I support you?

Therapist’s Tip

Write down your shared goals and revisit them mid-year. Couples who set intentional goals together are more satisfied and resilient than those who don’t.

Conversation 3: Money and Finances

Few topics create as much stress as money. That’s why financial transparency should be an annual (or even semi-annual) conversation.

Why It Matters

• Reduces conflict around spending and saving.
• Helps you work as a team toward financial stability.
• Builds trust, because money is really about security and values.

How to Start

• Share your financial wins from the past year.
• Review budgets, debts, and savings goals together.
• Discuss attitudes toward spending: saver vs. spender dynamics.

Therapist’s Tip

Avoid blame. Instead of saying “You spend too much,” try “I’d love for us to feel more secure, how do you think we can get there?”

Conversation 4: Intimacy and Connection

Intimacy isn’t just about sex. It’s about closeness, affection, and emotional availability. This conversation ensures you’re still prioritizing one another in ways that feel meaningful.

Why It Matters

• Prevents drift into roommate status.
• Allows partners to express needs without shame.
• Deepens both emotional and physical connection.

How to Start

• Ask:
  • How connected have you felt to me this year?
  • What makes you feel most desired or cherished?
  • What could we try that would bring more joy into our physical or emotional intimacy?

Therapist’s Tip

Be curious, not defensive. Intimacy needs change over time. What worked five years ago may not work today, and that’s normal.

Conversation 5: Family, Friends, and Community

No relationship exists in a vacuum. Families, friends, and communities all impact your partnership. This conversation helps you set healthy boundaries and align on how you want to engage with the people around you.

Why It Matters

• Reduces conflict over in-laws and family obligations.
• Keeps friendships and social life balanced with couple time.
• Ensures both partners feel supported in their larger networks.

How to Start

• Ask:
  • How do you feel about the balance of time with family vs. just us?
  • Are there relationships that feel draining for you?
  • Where do we want to build more community this year?

Therapist’s Tip

Boundaries aren’t walls—they’re agreements about how you protect your relationship while staying connected to others.

How to Make These Conversations Successful

1. Choose the right time – not late at night or during conflict.
2. Set the stage – pour coffee, take a walk, or plan a “relationship retreat” day.
3. Listen more than you speak – practice reflective listening: “What I hear you saying is…”
4. End with action – even one small step agreed upon helps you feel aligned.

Common Questions About Annual Couple Conversations

1. What if my partner doesn’t want to talk?
   Start small. Share why the conversation matters to you, and invite them rather than insisting.
2. Do we need a therapist to guide us?
   Not always. Many couples can do these on their own. But if conversations turn into fights, a marriage counselor can provide structure.
3. How often should we have these conversations?
   At least once a year. But many couples find revisiting them quarterly keeps the relationship strong.

Final Thoughts: Keeping Love Intentional

Healthy marriages don’t just happen. They’re built, one intentional conversation at a time. By scheduling these five annual conversations, you’re telling each other: “Our relationship matters enough to check in, reflect, and dream together.”

And that commitment is what keeps couples thriving year after year.

If you’re ready to strengthen your relationship, start with these five conversations every couple should have once a year. They’ll help you improve communication, intimacy, financial teamwork, and emotional connection—the foundation of a happy, lasting partnership.

Want guidance for these conversations? Maxine, your AI Relationship Therapist, is here to help you and your partner connect, communicate, and grow together